just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
