i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
