dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
