I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
