I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize