Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
