is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
