A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
