How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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