Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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