he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
