she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
