My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
