when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
