At least make sure they are 18
Why
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
