people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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