I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
