Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
