I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
don't judge my taste in strippers
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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