when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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