i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
