my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
