the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
