Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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