remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
