dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
