He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
