Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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