I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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