your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
