just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
