im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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