I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
