Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
