found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Boobs speak an international language.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
