A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
