New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
