I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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