The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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