i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
