btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
