i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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