two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
