His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
