Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
