Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
