Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
