I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
