I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
