i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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