Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
