I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
