Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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