I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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