Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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