So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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