The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
