Pappa wants mamma naked
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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