apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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