So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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