ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
