i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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