Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
