I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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