i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
