Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
