Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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