I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there is puke in my bra ... again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
