If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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