my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
